12. Sleepless nights and morning thoughts

Or: Being wide awake and thinking about everything


When you can’t sleep and so many thoughts are running through your head, the only thing you can do: get up and do something. Maybe read a book, watch a film, play a game or draw a picture.

I decided to do the last option. I enjoyed that one because this picture was clear in my head. I tried to evoke something in me again. I wasn’t sure what that would be, maybe something was lurking deep inside of me. I needed to discover and reveal what was trying to come through.

I didn’t know what kind of journey this would be at first. But at this moment I felt that something is changing, I was wide awake during several nights, couldn’t get a clear mind, my brain was constantly working. It was exhausting, draining and my body was aching even more without a good healthy sleep. But I don’t wanted to give in.

So I sat down and tried to bring that feeling onto the digital paper. I felt quite good in the morning around 4:30 a.m. and the sun was about to rise. After staring at the monitor for several minutes I knew that this has changed something. I finished the drawing and went to bed. Finally I was tired and my brain was willing to sleep. So was my body.

My soul felt tired too, it was saying ‘goodnight and sleep well’. I had a good sleep, probably the best sleep since everything happened with and around me.

Feeling refreshed after being awake for so long is always a good feeling.

…until next time… and that happened very often. Too often.

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