11. Being jealous…of what?

Or: Why not someone else?

eleventh-drawing-jealousy
Jealousy

I was jealous. Jealous why not someone else had this condition, that all other had unlimited energy, that they had no pain to deal with, that they were happy and satisfied with their lives.

Being trapped in this body and then unable to do anything with it. This was annoying me, made me sad and I was simply jealous.

But you know, there is a time when you just have to move on in your daily routine, where you need to focus on anything else than you and try to keep yourself busy. Not too much of course, don’t overdo it, just the right amount of things. I’ve tried it and it was kind of a success but still I was jealous and sad.

Every time I looked into the mirror I was asking myself: “Why me and not someone else?” A very selfish question. But when you are in constant pain, mood changes, aches and have a lack of sleep you start asking these things. I was nearly on my way to give in and cry… but I didn’t.

Instead I was drawing, kept myself busy with other things and tried to smile every day. Even if I was in pain, even if I had almost no sleep, even if I felt like I could scream the whole day through because my mood kept changing.

Never give up. No matter what.

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