Or: How hate can keep you away from accepting yourself
Hate was coming over me. I hated myself for being me. I looked into the mirror and I tried to accept myself. But sometimes I couldn’t make the effort to smile when I looked into the mirror. It was too much for me, so I remained in front of it with a frown face. Hate is a really strong feeling and it doesn’t go away that easily.
I needed to focus on myself in that moment. Why was I so filled with hate today? What have I done? Why can’t I just shake off the feeling?
I could. Simple solution: draw! So I did, I was forcing myself (again) to sit there and draw. Sometimes you need to push yourself forward and just do things to get over anything, everything and/or something.
This came out on this particular day. Another face, another drawing full of colour but yet so meaningful to me. All this hate that I had inside of me was gone after finishing this drawing. I didn’t spend much time with it, it was just a fast drawing, I just wanted to get over this feeling.
Not really easy in this moment but I did it. I really don’t know why I was so full of hate this certain day. It was just there when I woke up.
Another day went by. But: another day came to achieve more. To experience more, to learn more. I think I’ve learned a bit more about myself. Even if I am a happy person, positive, smiling almost all of the time, one thing I can’t do: being happy when I hate myself in this very moment. I need to let it all out.
I need to accept myself again, love myself again. Every day I need to learn again that being me is the best thing that could ever have happened to me.