5. Drawing without feeling like it

Or: What should I do to escape?


I was in a state where I couldn’t really motivate myself to do more. But I always tried every day. When I got up, I looked into the mirror, I barely could stand myself and my positivity was fading. Slowly fading.

On this day I was really bored, I couldn’t do anything. I was in pain and didn’t know what to do. I was thinking to draw but the thought of it was boring to me. I had no energy and wanted to be bored. It was a strange feeling, this day was strange. I looked around me and tried to escape this feeling.

I ended up sitting in front of the monitor, staring at it. A kind force came over me to take the pen from the graphic tablet and after a while I found myself drawing.

The time flew by and I finished the drawing. I looked at it and saw faces in there, faces or masks that I couldn’t explain. My masks? My faces? I didn’t know it. I only knew that I was tired after all and wanted to call it a day.

My colours in this drawing are quite dark but I couldn’t stand bright shining colours. All are mixed up somehow but I felt good after.

The process to find yourself takes time, effort and patience. But I thought it only can get better.

I’m almost at the end of the dark tunnel, I can see more light, the path is clearer. After all a good day, it started not well but in the night I felt kind of happy about myself. Satisfied that I did something.

I went to bed. Staring at the dark ceiling. It’s easy to escape boredom, feelings, inner fights. Do something creative! That was my solution.

Even if I didn’t want to, sometimes it’s best to draw without feeling like it. 


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