3. Pain and distraction

Or: “You realise that you are YOU”


Pain is my third drawing with the graphic tablet. And yes, I was in pain. My physical condition got worse but my mental health was good. I started to draw more. Almost every day. It helped me to distract my body from aching. At least until I had to go to bed.

During the daytime I felt good, almost no pain. I decided to spend more time to get into my drawings even more. To draw shapes to start from and see where it would lead me.

It lead me to use black, white, blue, pink and grey. The middle is quite colourful. For me it stands for the pain that I had to deal with. It wasn’t a good time for me but I pushed myself to keep everything going. Around me a sea of black, white, grey and blue. This represents everything what was going on at this time. White for my passion and hope to finally get out of this all and living a life without constant pain, I never give up and I never will give up any hope or positivity. Black and grey for my sorrows and worries and blue for my sadness.

After all I’m still an optimist. This time wasn’t easy but I got through it. I think when you have a rough time you don’t see any exit. You only see the negative things which is fair enough. You can’t just be happy all the time and no one should expect you to be like a sun, always shining bright and bringing happiness. Sometimes you need to be like the endless darkness, moody, unhappy, sad. It clears the soul and makes space for every new happy feeling. I think it’s important to go through every feeling. You grow with that, you learn from it and you can enfold your potential by putting your feelings into art.

I watched a little scene in an Austrian film. The main character was a wheelchair and was asking a friend: “What do you see when you are looking into the mirror?” The friend shrugs and said: “I don’t know.” The main character answered:

“You realise that you are YOU.”

I was impressed by that.

That’s why you should always look into the mirror and smile. You only can be you and to be yourself is the best thing you are. PLUS: you are unique.

Day three of my journey ended with finishing this drawing. I was proud, I looked into mirror and motivated myself. My body might be not very good to me, but I can do this and I will. I won’t give up. I am me.

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